A road trip!
It's undeniable that you are supposed to b excited when you hear those words. Road trips are supposed to be a shot a freedom, for a weekend. I picture Thelma and Louise picking up Neal Cassidy and maybe Mark Twain. Three of them have the most amazing jukebox when they combine all of their Ipods play lists. Of course mark twain doesn't have an Ipod, he's above all that newfangledness, and he offers a mix tape, but the car doesn't have a tape player- its a 2000 hybrid, so - what are you going to do?! I'm not sure where they go, definitely not off a cliff, but not necessarily into the sunset, either. Perhaps I'll send them to St.Louis, after all- thats where I went this weekend.
I went to St.Louis to visit friends and vanquish demons. I didn't really run into any demons, just realized that I can't hang as late or as hard as I used to. I got to meet the entire 3 and under set, as everyone has had at least one child since I left. I guess that means I'm some kind of anti-fertility charm. interesting...
I was really hoping that J and do would name their son Lou (their last name is Reid) but he's cool all on his own, doesn't even need a hip, pop culture reference as an ice breaker. L. Rose is literally a pink rosebud, she curls and unfurls her limbs like she's the flower subject of a stop- motion film on the nature channel. and Gretta, oh Gretta. Only a kid with eyes like yours could get away with eating whole sugar packets for lunch! I'm happy to say, I'm still not jealous of my friends turned parents. I want one of my own, but this test proved that I'm really not a candidate yet. (thank god)
I had major yearnings for my girlfriends this summer. I'm glad I finally took the road trip, Bear fit in just fine. Even NJ's wicked ways didn't phase him. What a great man! He seems to see what I see in my friends: embarrassingly cool ladies, with very strong opinions and hearts of gold.
When NJ got a little teary over her last love, I felt like I wanted to send her in a time machine about 18 months into the future. I know she knows the rules; it hurts like hell, the bandage keeps ripping off every time you turn on the radio or drive past your old haunts. and then, when you feel like the only peace comes from forgetting even the good times, the grass just starts to grow like early springtime again. all the dry patches even out and new people fill in where the old perennials used to be. I resisted the urge to give her too much advice or soothing, we all know how much of a temptation that is for me. but NJ, well, she just doesn't work like that.
After 15 years, I still have no idea what she really needs when she's hurting. I need pizza and beer and badtv. the closest I've ever come to understanding her is when she once explained that an out of town trip was what had helped her come to terms with a bad situation. She said she just needed the different surroundings to help her find a new perspective.
So, on the advice Of NJ, I took the road trip. I wasn't trying to fix any bad situation, but I was trying to jiggle some inspiration free on a few issues I've been just sitting on lately. Not sure what, exactly, I accomplished, but I feel like Mark and Thelma and Neal and Louise would be proud that I let loose and cut town for a bit- And what more could a girl want than to impress that crowd!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
you didn't do anything wrong...
have you ever talked to someone who is on the brink of a big change?
It almost seems like the hope of great new things is looming like a big prize. At first, you're giddy and optimistic along with them. They move excitedly through all the possibilities out on their new horizon. Call me a buzzkill, but isn't that always when the grandeur begins to look a little far fetched The better you know the person, and the closer you are to them; the more likely you are to worry about how they'll survive if they don't succeed at this new adventure. What if she's shooting to far beyond the mark? or what if he's just not ready for all that?
I had to catch myself recently. I really want to be the eternal optimist, but I realize as I get older, how precious a good therapist with some tough love can be, even if they're not the real deal. Now I am not necessarily that good, but sometimes, I'm available , and that's often good enough for government work in my little world.
I have given some crappy advice over the last 30 years. By fluke I've also been in the right place, at the right time, just having come off a great Pearl Cleage novel, and I've spouted wisdom that would make the price of an 89 Rothschild Bordeaux look reasonable. I mean its been valuable, useful stuff that real people have patched up real woulds with. Those miracles have given me some clout with some folks, thank you Pearl. Today, however, I found myself offering a little gem of unsolicited advice that I'm not quite sure about. All I know is that it is either genius or bullshit, no chance at anything in between.
Today I told a dear friend, someone at a crossroads that has been a long time coming, that she didn't do anything wrong, she just hadn't done anything right. I probably should have been slapped; she has wisdom and grace and even wigs that are older than me. but, at the same time, there she was- standing at that new doorway. she was happy and a bit nostalgic. I remembered some of where she had come from along with her. Then She started to sound overwhelmingly confident. and I just froze. I worried, all these new ideas, they're great, but she's moving so fast. I know this is a positive direction, but she's going to hit some stumbling blocks. I can't let that happen. What if she hits that first, tough roadblock and gives up. I know this road is going to be full of obstacles. Oh god!
If you have ever been standing there, frozen, listening to what sounds "great on paper", and you've felt the desire to be a human lasso, to pull someone back from the edge when they are aiming "too high"... If you have ever witnessed, someone you love venture out onto the gangplank of their own free will- May I suggest that you give them a good send off.
Some things obviously require alot more restraint and thought, but if you know the person really wants what they are moving towards. Let them have it. Let them decide. If you find it necessary to pipe in, just so no one says you didn't, then simply that they have a real shot at the prize.
just remind them that actions in the past have taught them alot. remember that yourself too.
I found it really hard to let my friend open that door. I didn't want her to fail, or get hurt, or even find out she was in the wrong room and have to back out again. But then I reflected( in my frozen state). If I knew that everything she had done in the past hadn't gotten her what she wanted, and everything I had always said hadn't necessarily helped, then maybe it was time for us both to try something new.
While my dear friend imagined all the great things behind that door, I didn't hold her back , I told her- go for it. I'll be here.
Well, at least that's what I meant. I think it sounded more like I said it before. I told her, "so far you haven't done anything wrong, you just haven't done anything right, yet, either." thankfully she's used to my backwards thinking and I think she understood. I meant that this new approach was really worth trying out, after all- this could be the right way to do things, finally!
I think today's lesson, for me, is : if you can't stop and think before you speak... then for now, practice by freezing up. Go with that.. it seems to almost work as well as thinking.
It almost seems like the hope of great new things is looming like a big prize. At first, you're giddy and optimistic along with them. They move excitedly through all the possibilities out on their new horizon. Call me a buzzkill, but isn't that always when the grandeur begins to look a little far fetched The better you know the person, and the closer you are to them; the more likely you are to worry about how they'll survive if they don't succeed at this new adventure. What if she's shooting to far beyond the mark? or what if he's just not ready for all that?
I had to catch myself recently. I really want to be the eternal optimist, but I realize as I get older, how precious a good therapist with some tough love can be, even if they're not the real deal. Now I am not necessarily that good, but sometimes, I'm available , and that's often good enough for government work in my little world.
I have given some crappy advice over the last 30 years. By fluke I've also been in the right place, at the right time, just having come off a great Pearl Cleage novel, and I've spouted wisdom that would make the price of an 89 Rothschild Bordeaux look reasonable. I mean its been valuable, useful stuff that real people have patched up real woulds with. Those miracles have given me some clout with some folks, thank you Pearl. Today, however, I found myself offering a little gem of unsolicited advice that I'm not quite sure about. All I know is that it is either genius or bullshit, no chance at anything in between.
Today I told a dear friend, someone at a crossroads that has been a long time coming, that she didn't do anything wrong, she just hadn't done anything right. I probably should have been slapped; she has wisdom and grace and even wigs that are older than me. but, at the same time, there she was- standing at that new doorway. she was happy and a bit nostalgic. I remembered some of where she had come from along with her. Then She started to sound overwhelmingly confident. and I just froze. I worried, all these new ideas, they're great, but she's moving so fast. I know this is a positive direction, but she's going to hit some stumbling blocks. I can't let that happen. What if she hits that first, tough roadblock and gives up. I know this road is going to be full of obstacles. Oh god!
If you have ever been standing there, frozen, listening to what sounds "great on paper", and you've felt the desire to be a human lasso, to pull someone back from the edge when they are aiming "too high"... If you have ever witnessed, someone you love venture out onto the gangplank of their own free will- May I suggest that you give them a good send off.
Some things obviously require alot more restraint and thought, but if you know the person really wants what they are moving towards. Let them have it. Let them decide. If you find it necessary to pipe in, just so no one says you didn't, then simply that they have a real shot at the prize.
just remind them that actions in the past have taught them alot. remember that yourself too.
I found it really hard to let my friend open that door. I didn't want her to fail, or get hurt, or even find out she was in the wrong room and have to back out again. But then I reflected( in my frozen state). If I knew that everything she had done in the past hadn't gotten her what she wanted, and everything I had always said hadn't necessarily helped, then maybe it was time for us both to try something new.
While my dear friend imagined all the great things behind that door, I didn't hold her back , I told her- go for it. I'll be here.
Well, at least that's what I meant. I think it sounded more like I said it before. I told her, "so far you haven't done anything wrong, you just haven't done anything right, yet, either." thankfully she's used to my backwards thinking and I think she understood. I meant that this new approach was really worth trying out, after all- this could be the right way to do things, finally!
I think today's lesson, for me, is : if you can't stop and think before you speak... then for now, practice by freezing up. Go with that.. it seems to almost work as well as thinking.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
users manual
so, if I were to admit that I have been wanting a blog for a long time. I wonder would that make me a 'cool library-thing hipster geek' or just a big fat procrastinator.
both, in my book. because I'm pretty much electronically declined, or reclined, or afraid.
I have assumed that if I tried to create a blog, I would make some miserable mistake and would end up losing it somehow. (the blog, I mean)
Can you believe that. I still manage to lose things online, not just because of passwords,even.
I have a myspace page, and I can't find it. I'm lost among the other sabrina's i guess.
sigh.
so, yes, I write about all that I think about. and that makes me just like everyone else sort of. but I may take quite a while to figure this thing out. (the blog, i mean)
I still have a little trouble absorbing the essence of digital things that don't really exist.
like if the power went out, would I still "have" a blog? I guess, i would , I just couldn't show it to you. that's a little weird, but I'm going to try to own it anyway.
which brings me to my inspiration in this matter (the blog, i mean)
if a tv fell in the woods. I don't know how to link it, or even direct you to it, but you found me- so you are much more capable than I.
Go& find the blog! this woman watches all the bad tv for me, I think she's like the badtv godmother I never knew existed!
I know I'm being vague here, but that is one of the cardinal rules for being a great writer. embed a message in your rant that only the few can find.
thats how you stay an underground phenom, then you just hope and pray that Oprah picks up your second book, so that you can somehow separate your international phenom-self from the underground one.
okay- now you know one secret.
go watch tv.
both, in my book. because I'm pretty much electronically declined, or reclined, or afraid.
I have assumed that if I tried to create a blog, I would make some miserable mistake and would end up losing it somehow. (the blog, I mean)
Can you believe that. I still manage to lose things online, not just because of passwords,even.
I have a myspace page, and I can't find it. I'm lost among the other sabrina's i guess.
sigh.
so, yes, I write about all that I think about. and that makes me just like everyone else sort of. but I may take quite a while to figure this thing out. (the blog, i mean)
I still have a little trouble absorbing the essence of digital things that don't really exist.
like if the power went out, would I still "have" a blog? I guess, i would , I just couldn't show it to you. that's a little weird, but I'm going to try to own it anyway.
which brings me to my inspiration in this matter (the blog, i mean)
if a tv fell in the woods. I don't know how to link it, or even direct you to it, but you found me- so you are much more capable than I.
Go& find the blog! this woman watches all the bad tv for me, I think she's like the badtv godmother I never knew existed!
I know I'm being vague here, but that is one of the cardinal rules for being a great writer. embed a message in your rant that only the few can find.
thats how you stay an underground phenom, then you just hope and pray that Oprah picks up your second book, so that you can somehow separate your international phenom-self from the underground one.
okay- now you know one secret.
go watch tv.
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